I’m Dreaming of a…
December 27th, 2007 by Luke
Sunny and 75 Christmas? I’m from Ohio (for those of you who don’t already know). This year for Christmas my parents decided to cash in on their timeshare and get a couple of condos in Sunny Orlando Florida. It’s weird to have Christmas without blistering winds and the possibility of snow. I’m getting by, but Orlando is taking it’s toll…seriously…
I’m not sure if you’ve ever been to Orlando, but most people have because of that giant bohemoth of an “entertaiment park,” Disney World. It’s been a long time since I have been to Orlando, long before I moved to New York even. I think that living in New York has made me hate the tourist culture with a really heavily acidic tongue. I mean, I always hated being a tourist, but now I can’t stop myself from from saying hateful things under my breath whenever tourists are around (and technically this time I am one of them). Anything remotely touristy makes my brain cloud and send a message to all my nerve endings that reads, “kill.”
It doesn’t help that I am staying in a huge (and I mean huge) resort. This place has seven different pools spread out and countless different condo complexes. Yesterday I was at one of these pools for a “BBQ” (which of course consisted of boiled hotdogs and some sort of beat-to-shit pork accompanied by potato salad and all the mustard you could ever want). There was some poor soul with a DJ set-up playing the greatest hits from every wedding or high school prom in middle-America. You know how this goes: Electric Slide, Cotton-Eyed Joe, Who Let The Dawgs Out. Basically what happens, I think, is that once you acquire your DJ equipment, you are given a list of the songs you are allowed to play and you can’t stray or you will be cut from the alliance…I may be wrong, but what other explanation is there?
Anyway, this DJ is playing this crap and trying to get the crowd involved (which is a chore because it’s a damned pool and everyone selfishly wants to be swimming instead of dancing to that fucking CHA-CHA song), and I just couldn’t help but think that his job is a job I could never possibly want…ever. I’d work in a factory before I would do that. Aside from that gentleman though, I am mostly stricken with disbelief at the sheer amount of white trash walking around this city in acid washed jeans and hats bearing the nascar emblem. This place is like my home town if people suddenly started getting really interested in corn and it turned into a tourist attraction. I guess that’s why Orlando sucks. I have thus far enjoyed being with my family, but man…this place is a little too close to small town Ohio while still lacking the things I enjoy…like snow.
